| I feel so out of place / sync. Is this like, adult puberty or some crap? Or an early mid-life crisis...
Probably not. I think my connections with people & things is getting tenuous, which would explain the general feeling of emptiness.
Had a dream, she was engaged to that white fella from hunger games, but seemed somehow...sad? Reconnection...not so likely IRL.
Another dream in the past week, back at the coffee shop but this time managed to stop the shenanigans. :P |
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| She's damaged and most likely doesn't care to be fixed.
But I've made a choice to ride it out for now.
Passively keeping one's eyes open isn't enough, need to be proactively aware. |
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| How easily they say it, with no remorse nor shame. Just as they do it, all the same. |
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| At times it seems all the "bad & negative" in people and in general can be so prevalent and overwhelming. Little things seem like they can make a difference, that maybe there's hope for us... But then I remember how shallow even I am, how distracted and self-centered I can be...what right do I have to criticize or lament about others? Even the best of intentions does not excuse poor execution and foresight. What do we do to support the emptiness we feel inside? I think we usually repy on outside influences to fill that void...whether this is the most ideal solution, I wonder...
I just really miss my friend, Lance. Not only for the potentially good and integrity that he lived as truly as he knew how, but for selfish reasons too of course. It's a void that can never be uniquely filled the way that he did, and such a large one as well. It doesn't help that periodically I dream that somehow, someway, I was able to preserve some part of his essence, to be able to communicate, even on a limited basis, with who I remember him to be. The feeling of recovering something lost, it's so difficult to convey...then to wake up to the reality that he's still gone.
So many experiences, far from ideal, yet looking back hold a magical kind of aura/remembrance, of a time less tainted by the "harsh" realities. It's what we strive to maintain of our pasts. It may be what shackles us down from experiencing our present, and realizing the best that our future may hold.
Ah, despair and hope, my closest companions and truest expressions. What a intricate dance you weave for the human experience. Or perhaps, what we weave for ourselves. |
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| Just another piece of bullshit to add to the inequity. |
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